What's happening? Is it DESTINEY?

Dear diary,

I am back though not with bang. You must be well aware of my feelings since past few months. everything went wrong with that company where I was working at. I gave my resignation 2 months back. You know something, working in an absolute unprofessional environment feels like a torture. I am not at happy the way all things happened. According to me I was doing my job well. Then that bitch came and all things got messed up.

I am feeling like abusing her more but then I do not want to waste my energy on it. So here I will give her some name Diary... hmm... let's call her Black-buffalo. So this black-buffalo came and things went all wrong. I had to quit my job as she was accusing me of things which I never did. With small salary everyday I did overtime. I used to wait back for almost 2 hours everyday. I never remembered I went home on time ever.

When I told that buffalo about this, she said, "you are not doing any big thing by waiting back, if you can't, leave the job." Then she said someone told her I am also giving interviews at other place. I do not know who told her this, but what is the problem of that motherfucker, bitch, ugly woman, even if I am trying to get out of that hell?

Then I took step and threw my resignation. Next day I got a call to join at another place, and I felt... hey it is destiny! It was planned somewhere that I will be getting out of that hell, and joining this new place. After I left that dirty office I heard they have increased salary packages, but then who cares. At this new place I got good pay but the only thing is I am on contract. (I do not want to get permanent here though, as I deserve much better place).

in my personal life too, few things are happening and I am not happy with them. My boyfriend and I live in same city. He takes some one and half hour to travel to my home by train. He says he can make time for me only once in a month. I am finding it hard to believe. I tried to end the relation, but I am emotional fool. I cannot imagine life without him. He gives several reasons why he cannot make time for me. But I am not convinced with all the shit he gives.

I am not saying he does not love me. He loves me a lot. But if he loves me then he should feel like spending more time with me, right? I am again confused.

Other thing is sometimes some things make me depressed. Like I see other people whom I know doing well when they do not really deserve. I am not comparing myself with them, but still. Where my destiny is? When I will get career and job satisfaction? When I will be having less complaints from my love relationship.

Diary, I always desired that he and I will go on a long walk along seaside holding hands, but even this simple desire is not getting fulfilled. :( Anyways, that's enough for now dear. Hope will get to talk to each other soon, as you are my only friend to whom I can tell all these things. We had holiday yesterday and today it was a holiday too and tomorrow is Sunday. Already feeling Monday blues!

Lots of love,
♥Capricorn♥

First kiss of first and last love

The cab was heading towards the garden in full speed. He was sitting beside me with his arm around me. He touched my belly and caressed my belly button. I felt the tickle. It was for the first time we were so close to each other... physically. He tried to hide his feeling to touch me behind his smile. I wished the cab driver should not stare at us. I admit I was feeling awkward, but at the same time I wanted him to touch me.

Cab was still moving when he planted a kiss on my cheek. I felt his fuller lips on against mt smooth skin. Then he asked, "Can you kiss me on my lips?" I was confused. "No, you can't," was my humble reply. He kept on trying his level best while looking at me and then at my tiny pink pair of lips.

He: Come on it is okay.
I: No
He: But why? I have kissed on your cheek. What's with the lips?
I: No
He: Why but?
I:there is vast difference on cheek and different on lips.
He: You kiss me...
I: I will kiss on your cheek
He: But cheek is just few inches away from my lips... why not on lips?
I: (I thought: Hey it is my first kiss and probably your too. should I kiss? But our relationship is just 2 months old and we live in India... not in America) No
He: Then should I kiss you?
I: No please understand
He: Just come forward and kiss me. It will be fine.
I: umm... huh...

Then I moved forward and instantaneously he grabbed my lips in his mouth. (what's going on. I am experiencing my first kiss and it is not just a kiss but quite a smooch) . He firmly clutched my lower lip and sucked it hard. I could feel his teeth and then his tongue in my mouth. The soft fleshy feeling... soft... moist... wet... noisy, and then I pulled myself back. I was perhaps little scared.. perhaps little confused... really don't know. He asked, "what happened?" I kept mum.

It was my first kiss to my first love and if destiny permits then he is my first and last love. I remember the lines from a Hindi movie - Pehli baar mohobbat ki hai, aakhri baar mohobbat ki hai (have fallen in love for the first time, have fallen in love for the last time).

Few words from the pages of Lifebook...

Dear Diary,

This is real late to publish this news about me but I got selected at the place where I gave interview earlier and joined the office in November. Today is 16Th January 2010 and I completed 2 months and 4 days at the place. I won't say that I am really in love with the kind of work that I am assigned for, but it is better due to better pay package. You see, money seems to be the only MOTIVATION.

Yes, people in this new place are quite difficult to understand, but I am managing pretty well. You know the major problem at workplace is 'A'. I understood one thing after I joined here, dirty politics and jealously are two vital parts of any organization. Sometimes I truly believe that human beings are not social animals. All are quite selfish and self centered at the end of the day.

Anyways, I am trying to cope my best here. Though I wish my job could have been more of creative kind than being so mechanical and monotonous.

Enough of office talks (I should be happy at least I have job and I am NO MORE JOBLESS). But what to do? It is Human to feel unsatisfied. :) Yesterday was solar eclipse and G told me not to eat anything between 11 AM to 3PM. I obeyed him as mom told that there is some scientific reason behind this.

Other than these things following are the other important things that happened recently:

• I watched 3 idiots with my boyfriend on my birthday.
• He did not join office that he was supposed to join (but I am happy due to some reason)
• I hate people who discourage you on every front. I am still learning how to tackle such people. I think it is best to avoid such people as much as possible.

Just now came back from police station where I have gone for completing formalities regarding passport application. At my workplace everyone must have passport, so I have issued for passport as it is compulsory. Diary I will catch you soon. Will be back soon. Till then lots of love!

Regards,
Cute Girl who's sun-sign is Capricorn ♥

Just like that ;)

dear diary,

i am writing to you after long time i guess. i have broadband connection and my phone was dead few days ago so could not come to blogger and tell you the things that are making me happy. i am feeling as if my mind is not working. diary i haven't received the call about which i was positive. the hr at shipping company had told me that there are quite a lot chances of me getting selected for the post but i did not get any call till now, i do not know how to react to this.

a girl from modelling agency called me today saying that i should wait some more to see my photographs on their website. i hope i will get selected at least in the audition which i gave, anyways. many things happened in these days. well G is still busy with the construction of his new home in his village. you know diary how possessive i get about him. my heart bits go up and i feel extremely depressed when i think or hear him talking about someone else. i can not take it. today he was kidding with me by talking sweet things about my cousin. i am thinking of something to make him jealous too, but i do not what should i say to make him go green with envy.

he is too possessive about me. today i was busy talking to someone (that cousin only) when he was calling. later when i called him, the first thing he asked, "with whom you were talking to for such a long time?" i could sense the insecurity in his voice and i felt really nice.
i want he to be more possessive about me. i want him to want me every now and then. i want him to get disturbed without me. today my hand wrist and my right toe is paining, do not why. i have applied ointment there.

one more thing, i am finding it hard to rise early in the morning. i had several plans of going for jogging and excising or starting up with some yoga and meditation but all plans failed big time. i hope how can find some tricks to get up early without any hesitation. my sis has pissed up with my mobile's alarm as i keep it on snooze mode and it irritates her. days are quite boring and dull. nothing more to tell. will go to sleep after sometime.

bye diary, love you G (my bf)

Oh! I love you so much♥

Dear Diary,

Finally, my boyfriend gave his pending birthday treat after 2 months. We had lunch together at a restaurant near my home. 19Th September of 2009 proved a good day for me. He was looking happy and was quite eager to show me his new laptop. In my tiny winy bedroom we shared some loving moments. Someone has said so truly that soul meets soul on lover's lips and I totally believe in this saying.

He liked the gift I purchased for him, a descent pale orange brownish checkered shirt. I asked him to try it out but he said that he will try it out later at home. i was wearing a cute black t-shirt paired with skinny jeans. I asked him, "am I looking cute?" He said, "No, you are not looking cute, you are looking very very very cute." I was on cloud nine to hear this. the day had a scent of love, an aroma of affection and a fragrance of passion. I think we two are truly made for each other.

diary i want to confess that though our relationship is not like those couples who roam around frequently, go on a date regularly, we have sacred connection. I am sorry if sometimes I will be critical about his behavior but the truth is I love him from my soul. Darling my soul is all yours. I am all yours. I found it so touching, today we were talking about our future kids. we were talking about what will be the names of our children when we will get married and have children. sometimes he is so loving and cute, sometimes he is just hard to understand. But one thing is for sure, I love him a lot and cannot live without him.

This is all I want to share today. Today I completed one assignment. I am happy to get the fruit of my work. Just had dinner, mom cooked potatoes and that makes me share that sometimes my darling calls me potato as I am little healthy. I am not sure whether I should think seriously about losing some weight. Well, I am planning to go for a morning walk tomorrow, let's see if my mobile alarm comes for my rescue!

See you, tada!

Hope the waiting will pay

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Dear Diary,

Well on 16^th September 2009 I gave another job interview. Here all I had to do is waiting, waiting and some more waiting. I had only a cup of tea and some biscuits in the morning. As I was running late I skipped my lunch and left home. I was not lucky as I boarded wrong bus, I had to get down at the next bus stop and wait again. Thankfully the bus came before I would have gone mad waiting. By 2 o’clock I reached the destination but I was finding it difficult to search the exact location of the building.

The day was hot and I roamed around for almost half an hour under the burning sun. I almost melted. I had the address with me but without any proper landmark. Finally with the help of passersby and security guards of the other buildings I found the location. I entered the building near D’mart. It was quite lavish with huge reception area. I enquired the receptionist about my appointment. She asked me to wait. I think I waited for more than twenty minutes before the HR executive called me for the test.

Later an office assistant ushered me to a conference room. I was sitting all alone there for almost 15 minutes before the HR executive finally came with some papers in her hand. There was a pin drop silence in the room. The room had two LCD screens with a small camera, a huge table and chairs. An automatic room freshener was refreshing the chilled air conditioned room with sweet aroma after every five minutes. The test lasted for half an hour. I cleared the test.

Then I found myself waiting in the reception for 45 minutes for another round of interview with HR head. It was a benign round of interview, but unfortunately they told me that I have to come again for yet another interview session. Then I left the office, called the lift, called mom to give synopsis of the day, called for auto rickshaw and came at the bus stop. My luck was not with me as I waited for the bus for 15 minutes. Finally the crowded bus came and I was hardly able to balance throughout the journey. Finally I got the seat. I was happy that at last I got to hear some music.

Today, the 17 September was not a good day as G. harassed me on silly topics. He behaves quite weird sometimes. I have a complaint that he does not spend enough time with me. You know that we went on a date a year back. Can you believe that diary? Am I wrong to complain? Today his friend gave him party; they both had dinner at restaurant. I told him that I will be happy if he will have lose motions tomorrow as he is having good time with his this nothing for good friend and not with me.

I will be happy if their friendship breaks somehow. Wish such thing could happen. I will distribute sweets to all whom I know. Anyways, I think one should give importance to his relationship before it’s too late. You know what diary, I should think about myself first. Actually I should care shit about some things and should concentrate on my career. One more thing I want to share with you, I want a car. Do not know when I will own one but I am eager to buy myself a car. Right now I am stopping over here, will be back soon with sweet and sour things to tell.

Good Night :(

The job hunt is on...

Dear diary,

good evening. mom and sister have gone to dentist to take measurement for the cap that my sis need to fix. i was feeling sleepy but i thought i should tell you how was my interview today. as i told you earlier today i had an interview scheduled. i got up early in the morning. mom ironed my sky blue striped shirt and black trouser. i applied light make-up which was of no use as i was sweating heavily due to sunny climate till i reached the destination. i carried my file containing copies of resumes.

when i reached the office i was asked to fill the register and then they handed me a visitor's pass. then i called for elevator and went on the fourth floor of the building. the office which i visited occupied the five floors of a plush building with beautiful glass facade. i asked for the concerned HR executive who took my interview. she asked for my resume. the interview started with a warm-up question where i told about myself. the interview lasted for 10 minutes and in these 10 minutes i answered following questions:

tell me something about yourself.
tell me about your previous job/jobs.
why you left your previous job?
what do you know about our organization?
what is you filed of interest?

after answering these questions, the HR executive told me that she will talk with her seniors and will inform me. i got done with other formalities like saying, 'nice to meet you.' finally i asked her permission to leave and left. elevator brought me on the first floor again where i submitted the visitor's pass and came on the ground floor. there was no sign of rain today. i was sweating heavily as climate was very humid yet sunny. i started walking toward station to board a train to get back home.

my boyfriend called me when i was at bus stop. as usual he told me i only know how to fight but he knows that i also know how to love. as usual we shared lots of love yous and kisses on phone. i came home and had my lunch. then a friend called me and told that he is leaving his current job as he got a new job with much higher salary. he got the job through reference. i admit that i went green with envy for a while. i congratulated him and had a small conversation with mom about getting job.

tomorrow again i have to go for an interview at one place, where i have to attempt an aptitude test first. right now i have only one question in mind that when i will be lucky to get a good job. i just went back and read my earlier post about being positive and i am being positive. anyways, let's see how things turn out. wish me best luck as that is what i need.

See-you♥