What's happening? Is it DESTINEY?

Dear diary,

I am back though not with bang. You must be well aware of my feelings since past few months. everything went wrong with that company where I was working at. I gave my resignation 2 months back. You know something, working in an absolute unprofessional environment feels like a torture. I am not at happy the way all things happened. According to me I was doing my job well. Then that bitch came and all things got messed up.

I am feeling like abusing her more but then I do not want to waste my energy on it. So here I will give her some name Diary... hmm... let's call her Black-buffalo. So this black-buffalo came and things went all wrong. I had to quit my job as she was accusing me of things which I never did. With small salary everyday I did overtime. I used to wait back for almost 2 hours everyday. I never remembered I went home on time ever.

When I told that buffalo about this, she said, "you are not doing any big thing by waiting back, if you can't, leave the job." Then she said someone told her I am also giving interviews at other place. I do not know who told her this, but what is the problem of that motherfucker, bitch, ugly woman, even if I am trying to get out of that hell?

Then I took step and threw my resignation. Next day I got a call to join at another place, and I felt... hey it is destiny! It was planned somewhere that I will be getting out of that hell, and joining this new place. After I left that dirty office I heard they have increased salary packages, but then who cares. At this new place I got good pay but the only thing is I am on contract. (I do not want to get permanent here though, as I deserve much better place).

in my personal life too, few things are happening and I am not happy with them. My boyfriend and I live in same city. He takes some one and half hour to travel to my home by train. He says he can make time for me only once in a month. I am finding it hard to believe. I tried to end the relation, but I am emotional fool. I cannot imagine life without him. He gives several reasons why he cannot make time for me. But I am not convinced with all the shit he gives.

I am not saying he does not love me. He loves me a lot. But if he loves me then he should feel like spending more time with me, right? I am again confused.

Other thing is sometimes some things make me depressed. Like I see other people whom I know doing well when they do not really deserve. I am not comparing myself with them, but still. Where my destiny is? When I will get career and job satisfaction? When I will be having less complaints from my love relationship.

Diary, I always desired that he and I will go on a long walk along seaside holding hands, but even this simple desire is not getting fulfilled. :( Anyways, that's enough for now dear. Hope will get to talk to each other soon, as you are my only friend to whom I can tell all these things. We had holiday yesterday and today it was a holiday too and tomorrow is Sunday. Already feeling Monday blues!

Lots of love,
♥Capricorn♥

First kiss of first and last love

The cab was heading towards the garden in full speed. He was sitting beside me with his arm around me. He touched my belly and caressed my belly button. I felt the tickle. It was for the first time we were so close to each other... physically. He tried to hide his feeling to touch me behind his smile. I wished the cab driver should not stare at us. I admit I was feeling awkward, but at the same time I wanted him to touch me.

Cab was still moving when he planted a kiss on my cheek. I felt his fuller lips on against mt smooth skin. Then he asked, "Can you kiss me on my lips?" I was confused. "No, you can't," was my humble reply. He kept on trying his level best while looking at me and then at my tiny pink pair of lips.

He: Come on it is okay.
I: No
He: But why? I have kissed on your cheek. What's with the lips?
I: No
He: Why but?
I:there is vast difference on cheek and different on lips.
He: You kiss me...
I: I will kiss on your cheek
He: But cheek is just few inches away from my lips... why not on lips?
I: (I thought: Hey it is my first kiss and probably your too. should I kiss? But our relationship is just 2 months old and we live in India... not in America) No
He: Then should I kiss you?
I: No please understand
He: Just come forward and kiss me. It will be fine.
I: umm... huh...

Then I moved forward and instantaneously he grabbed my lips in his mouth. (what's going on. I am experiencing my first kiss and it is not just a kiss but quite a smooch) . He firmly clutched my lower lip and sucked it hard. I could feel his teeth and then his tongue in my mouth. The soft fleshy feeling... soft... moist... wet... noisy, and then I pulled myself back. I was perhaps little scared.. perhaps little confused... really don't know. He asked, "what happened?" I kept mum.

It was my first kiss to my first love and if destiny permits then he is my first and last love. I remember the lines from a Hindi movie - Pehli baar mohobbat ki hai, aakhri baar mohobbat ki hai (have fallen in love for the first time, have fallen in love for the last time).

Few words from the pages of Lifebook...

Dear Diary,

This is real late to publish this news about me but I got selected at the place where I gave interview earlier and joined the office in November. Today is 16Th January 2010 and I completed 2 months and 4 days at the place. I won't say that I am really in love with the kind of work that I am assigned for, but it is better due to better pay package. You see, money seems to be the only MOTIVATION.

Yes, people in this new place are quite difficult to understand, but I am managing pretty well. You know the major problem at workplace is 'A'. I understood one thing after I joined here, dirty politics and jealously are two vital parts of any organization. Sometimes I truly believe that human beings are not social animals. All are quite selfish and self centered at the end of the day.

Anyways, I am trying to cope my best here. Though I wish my job could have been more of creative kind than being so mechanical and monotonous.

Enough of office talks (I should be happy at least I have job and I am NO MORE JOBLESS). But what to do? It is Human to feel unsatisfied. :) Yesterday was solar eclipse and G told me not to eat anything between 11 AM to 3PM. I obeyed him as mom told that there is some scientific reason behind this.

Other than these things following are the other important things that happened recently:

• I watched 3 idiots with my boyfriend on my birthday.
• He did not join office that he was supposed to join (but I am happy due to some reason)
• I hate people who discourage you on every front. I am still learning how to tackle such people. I think it is best to avoid such people as much as possible.

Just now came back from police station where I have gone for completing formalities regarding passport application. At my workplace everyone must have passport, so I have issued for passport as it is compulsory. Diary I will catch you soon. Will be back soon. Till then lots of love!

Regards,
Cute Girl who's sun-sign is Capricorn ♥